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Empathy To Love

Empathy is going to help you understand your loved ones – why does your Dad seem so hung up on looking smart above all else?  (Was this a value instilled in him by his Victorian parents?)  Why did your aunty become an alcoholic?  (Was it because she had a high stress job, and received the wrong type of loving support?)  Why does your daughter come across as bitter and aggressive? (Is it a reaction to many years of being used as a scapegoat?), Why does your brother play manipulative games? (Maybe it’s because inside he’s actually very insecure, and is in constant fear of not being liked).  Does your niece have some kind of genetic thing which makes her a bit niggly?  In every single case, when you understand how somebody’s personality was actually given to them by their parents mistakes, or by genetics, or alcohol, or from being abused, or whatever, when you see that really the person who appears to be nasty, or control-y, or sarcastic is really sometimes a victim of what happened to them, it is then when you are able to forgive them, and this frees your soul up to give love to the person you previously thought you hated!
It’s a benefit to ourselves to forgive others, it makes for improvements in our relationships.  But at the same time we can’t blithely excuse our own personal selfishness, evil, or lack of giving love with a trite “oh, well, I’m like this because of my upbringing, you know”.  No.  We can’t forgive ourselves for our bad side.  When we have identified the bad we do ourselves, we then must act to stop doing it.  And the longer we leave it to stop being bad, and start making up, the more heavy weighs the guilt.
Consider Maralyn Monroe.  Why did she commit suicide?  Empathy.  How would a woman such as her be treated by people?  Attractive, rich, friends in high places.  Apparently the world was her oyster, and she looked happy – smiled a lot.  So, why?  It’s a puzzle, but when one realises one can crack such mysteries with no inside information, a whole world opens up.  The mystery can be cracked without leaving the space inside one’s head.  Empathise…
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